While battling some insomnia, I turned on the tv and watched Captain Planet and the Planeteers and all I have to say is wow, that is one lame show when I watch it now. What a bunch of sissies those Planeteers are. I was actually rooting for the giant smog monster to conquer everything just to shut up their incessant carping on saving the environment. Yeah yeah, the environment needs to be saved, but I know that! Just use your cool environmental powers and entertain me already! And what's with Captain Planet's super dorky costume and mullet-y flattop hair? He may be their powers magnified and fighting on the planet's side but GET A BETTER COSTUME. Seriously. But don't you think it's sad that I still actually remember the Captain Planet theme song? Yeah, I am lame.
I absolutely can't stand watching the local news, it drives me crazy. First of all, the local news is on (where I am anyway) starting at 5 AM to 7 AM; 12 PM; 5, 5:30, and 6 PM; and 11 PM. That's four and a half hours worth of news. more than 1/6 of the day! Now is there enough news to fill up all that time? No, you just end up hearing the same stories over and over and over! You watch it once and you're good for the day.
Another thing I hate is the "news banter" that routinely goes on at the news desk. Example: [anchor to meteorologist] "Don't give us any more cold weather Dave!" As if the meteorologist had control of the weather. Or, [anchor to sports anchor] "What's wrong with the Patriots, they've lost four in a row!" As if the sports anchor can dissect every problem with a team. He's there to report, not analyze.
And speaking meteorologists, how easy is their job? They always say, "The computer tells me we'll be getting snow on Tuesday." All they use are computers now, there's no skill involved whatsoever! Pre-computer they had to study graphs and charts and patterns and make deductions, now everything is fed into a computer! I could do that job just as well if a computer told me what to do.
I don't have a problem with the national news simply because: it's on for one half-hour a day, has no anchor banter because there's only one anchor, and no meterological reporting unless there is a MAJOR storm.
I think that adequately describes my irritation with the local news. I think I'll go read the newspaper now.
How many times is Adam Sandler going to cash in on The Haunakkah Song? There's now a new version in his Eight Crazy Nights movie--the umpteenth version. Adam Sandler does not have many notes, and he's already used them all up. I was watching an old Saturday Night Live, and how many times can you say "Look, I'm Crazy [insert object here] Man! Now give me some candy!" About once, twice is pushing it, but over and over again? No. His shelf life has long since expired but people still go and see less than mediocre movies like Big Daddy, Little Nicky, and Mr. Deeds. I don't get it.
What is the deal with rappers in movies these days? Right now you've got Eminem in 8 Mile, Ja Rule in Half Past Dead, and Ice Cube in Friday After Next. If you're a rapper you can get a movie deal instantaneously, even if you have no prior acting experience. I guess these rappers bring in a certain audience and that's why they stick them in movies that no one would want to see anyway (Steven Seagal, I'm talking to YOU). Sure, Eminem has gotten great reviews for 8 Mile, but that's because he's playing HIMSELF. Give him another role and I'm not sure if he could do it. I remember the same controversy when Courtney Love was in The People Vs. Larry Flynt playing a drug addict. And look at her acting career, a small role in Man on the Moon and some Kevin Bacon movie that I can't remember the name of because it was gone as soon as it came out.
And what's with the Friday movies? Friday, Next Friday, Friday After Next? Haven't they used up all the Friday titles already? Can't they move on to Saturday or something?
While on the subject of rap, I think the worst rap song of the year is Missy Elliott's Work It. That song is just GUNK. It is DUMB. The best rap song of the year is Jurassic Five's What's Golden, I dig on that song man.
If I can come back in another life, I'd like to be a cartoon. Being a cartoon would be awesome. You could do so many things, like getting an anvil dropped on your head and walking around in an accordian shape, or swallowing a whole submarine sandwich in one gulp, or falling from a cliff and into a hole created by the impact of your own body. Wouldn't that be neat? Bugs Bunny is my role model; in any situation he is the coolest, suavest guy (bunny?) ever. Always a wise-crack waiting for the poor suckers trying to best him. He truly is the neatest.
You know, I like TV, but for the most part, IT SUCKS. Why? Because with the exception of a few shows, it's all the same old junk! For instance, every sitcom is either a show about a family, or located in a work environment. Every drama is either a cop show or set in a hospital. Where's the originality??? I'm tired of seeing the same routines in the same settings but in a different show. I think I've seen all the fun-loving family jokes, there aren't anymore. I've seen all the medical oddities you can stick in a hospital show. I suppose there can't be something original on all the time, and I guess people like the same old because those shows are often the biggest hits. But all I'm asking for are some different television shows to be on to break up the utter staleness that is television --is that so wrong?
My pants shrunk today. I wore 'em and they were fine, washed 'em, and then they weren't. And these weren't even brand new pants! I've had these for awhile, but all of a sudden I look like Jerry Lewis, with my pants riding high on my leg and the waist too tight. Yeah, I am a dork huh?
