Girls hate me.

Denise Richards is not a real person. Look at her, she's a fugazi. She's an imitation of what a real person looks like. Does she look real to you? I don't think so. She's a robot from the future, I just know it.

It really irks me when celebrities try to gain an aura of respect by dropping the "y" from their name. I cite for one, Johnny (now known as 'John') Reznick of the Goo Goo Dolls. He's dropped the 'y' to begin his solo career as JOHN Reznick. Does he expect people to take him more seriously because he's not Johnny anymore? Because we all know that a) his music still sounds entirely the same, and b) he sang for the Goo Goo Dolls *snicker*

It's the same with Joe(y) McIntyre, formerly of New Kids on the Block (or as I like to call them, NKOTB--yeah!). He dropped the 'y' to become reborn as a solo artist too. In TV stardom, former teen heartthrob and star of Blossom, Joey Lawerence has dropped the 'y'--he's known as Joe too. Is this part of his desire to be taken seriously as an actor? Cause all I can think of when I see him is "Whoa!" Stick with what ya know Joe.

And I think it's been proven that you can still be taken seriously even with the 'y'. Johnny Depp anyone? He just wouldn't be as cool if he was John Depp now would he? There's just no ring to John Depp, I can see why he goes with Johnny. Of course, it also has to be remembered that any of the guys mentioned above are not even close to the same league as one Jonathan Depp. Imagine if he was called Jonathan? That would be lame too.

After my last post about candy cigarettes (yeah that's right, I said candy CIGARETTES, not candy STICKS) I've been thinking about other candy I used to eat as a kid that they don't make for some reason or another. One of my favorite candies of all-time is Cherry Clan. Remember those? I think Ferrara Pan stopped making them because of the kind of racist picture on the box of a cherry with squinty eyes and a rice patty hat. But they were the best! You could buy them for 10 cents for a little box. Now they have some sort of Cherry Clan knock-off called Cherryheads--but they are NOT the same thing. The surface texture is different, and therefore they aren't as good. My mom once discovered an unopened case of Cherry Clan in the Christmas Tree Shops and boy was I in heaven eating those for awhile. Alas, poor Cherry Clan...for I knew you well.

Another great candy were Bingos. They were those kind of tough, chewy, fruit-flavored candies that you could buy for 1 cent. There's kind of a knock-off of those too, those Now and Laters, but again, they're not the same! They're too chewy. They're gone because you just can't buy penny candy anymore, there's no money in it. Now if you go to one of those mall candy stores you buy 10 fruit sours and you pay $2.50 or something extravagant like that. Penny candy was the best thing ever...sigh...oh how I miss it. I feel sorry for the kids of today who have to fork over 90% of their hard-earned allowances for some simple candy.

And don't forget Bonkers! They were great. I liked purple.

As I write this, I'm chewing on a candy cigarette, and not a "candy stick" or whatever they make now, a REAL candy cigarette, one that comes in a pack that actually looks like a REAL cigarette pack. They don't sell them anymore but my mom discovered them in a store run by two little old ladies. I guess they must not make them anymore because it might make kids want to smoke for real or something. Yeah right, I ate those when I was a kid and do I smoke? No. So did thousands of other kids. I like them though because they make me feel cool, and it comes without the lung cancer! Woohoo!

You know what else drives me crazy? The plethora of anti-smoking commercials on TV. I don't know why so much money is spent on buying airtime for these commercials when it says RIGHT ON THE PACK SMOKING MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Yet people read this and STILL SMOKE. Obviously the Surgeon General's Warning doesn't scare them, and neither does the $8000 a pack, so why would a stupid TV commercial?

I hate when in a sport (football, baseball, basketball, whatev) the announcers will make a point of saying that Team X has beaten Team Y 8 out of their last 10 meetings, or that Team Z has lost only once in its last 7 games in its home stadium. But that's dumb, because if I know anything, it's that the law of averages states that out of 10 million times, a number may come up 0 times or 10 million times. How do I know this? Because I played Roulette awhile ago and saw five black numbers in a row, so I said, "a red is bound to come up." So I placed a bet on red and it came up black. Again on red, and it came up black again. So I said, "chances have to be good for a red now." So I bet red, and it was black again! Arrggghhh! So what I'm trying to say is that even if a team has won 25 games in a row, it doesn't mean they don't have an equal chance of losing this time! Conversely, if they've lost 50 in a row, it doesn't mean they can't go on a sudden burst and win 500 in a row! So what I'm trying to say is that those statistics are pretty useless to everybody. It just gives us more fodder for buffoonery from John Madden, and that's not good for anybody.