THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND, #372
There are a lot of things I don't understand about the female gender, but one of the things I most don't understand is clothing sizes. The sizes are completely different than men's clothing, so right off the bat I'm confused. Instead of waist measurements in men's clothes, women's clothes are measured in size 1, size 2, size 3, etc. It's different, but that's not the part that boggles my mind, that part is that there is actually a SIZE ZERO. Zero is not even a number, it equals nothing. How can there be a size that is nothing I ask? Now even the smallest-waisted person still has some semblance of a waist so how can one be measured in nothing? This confuses me. Maybe I just have zero smarts. But in women's clothing definitions, at least that would mean I still have some smarts.
ARCHNEMESISESES
I have many archnemesi. [archnemesi (arch-nem-a-sy) = plural form of archnemesis (arch-nem-a-sis)] Matt's definition: archnemesis- person who is a thorn in your side; someone you dislike immensely. Thusly, I have many.
Matt's partial list of archnemesi:
-Jennifer Lopez
-Fred Durst
-A kid that I didn't like in high school but later he thought were were buddies
-Justin Guarini
-A certain professor who hated me
-The lady at Apartment Mart who gave me the runaround before deciding that she couldn't help me and told me to call back later only to have nobody answer--TWICE!!!
*note*There actually is a real place called Apartment Mart--honest injun. They don't have any blue light specials though. Darn.
DUMB AND DUMBERER (LUCK)
In rapid succession, I have gained a new car (Hyundai Sonata!) and a new apartment (downtown!). Both happened through fate , uncanny coincidences, and extremely dumb luck. So while now I might give the appearance that I'm wealthy with a nice car and stylin' pad, I am in fact very, very poor. (But don't tell anyone I said that)
BIG HEAD JORDAN AND THE ATHLETES
Remember those t-shirts with the sports stars on them, and the athletes had big, cartoony, caricature heads? Boy did I love those shirts. Why did they go out of style anyway? Those were dizzope! Of course, wearing them when you're 12 is a lot different than wearing them when you're 24. If I wore them now, I'd be laughed at, so maybe it is a good thing they went out of style or else I might still be wearing them...nah, I'm not that much of a dork, right? Right? ...yeah, okay, I am. *sigh*
*note* For those who were wondering, no, I wouldn't really wear these shirts even if they were around. Obviously I grew out of that phase. Instead, give me a good pair of Osh Kosh B'Gosh anyday.
MS. JACKSON'S BACKUP DANCER IF YOU'RE NASTY!
I mentioned a Janet Jackson impersonator in my last post, because I saw one in the Legends show in Vegas. And I was thinking, wouldn't it be funny if someone asked you what your job was and you said, "I work as a backup dancer...for a Janet Jackson impersonator." Wouldn't that sound kind of lame? Not only are you a second-stringer to the main star as a backup anyway, you're a backup to a second-string impersonator knock-off! Multiply that and that makes you a fourth-stringer. Not exactly the best thing to put on your resume if you ask me. But that's why nobody asks me.
SIN CITY...HERE WE COME (sung to the tune of Surf City)
Las Vegas is the best place ever. Debauchery, debauchery everywhere, and a lot of drops to drink. Vegas is the only place where it's socially acceptable to be downing drinks at 8:00 in the AM. Or see a topless show at 2:00 in the afternoon. Or see a faux Janet Jackson perform without paying through the roof. Thusly, I've deemed it THE COOLEST PLACE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. I lost more than I won, but I think had enough free drinks to warrant the expense, and hey, it's all in good fun, right?
