APARTMENTS, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

Apartments that are huge, downtown, and have windows that overlook the street RULE. And it's mine, all mine--mwahahahaha!

MAYBE IT'S FREE? OH, WAIT...

Whenever I go to the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru window, I place my order, and then they say "Drive up please." That's it. That's my problem--they don't tell you how much it costs! I mean, sure, I can have a pretty good estimation of how much it costs, but what if I want to pick out the exact change so I can get rid of whatever coin is in my ashtray? They don't tell me until I get up to the window, and I don't want to have to pick out the change while the employee is standing at the window watching me! At first I thought that perhaps this was only due to the lazy employees at my local Dunkin Donuts, but no, it's everywhere! Every single Dunkin Donuts does the same thing! But why?? Is this mandated by the higher-ups at Dunkin Donuts? Do they instruct every single worker to not say the cost? This really bothers me, I might have to stand outside my local Dunkin Donuts and picket to change these regulations. Who's with me! Anybody? Anybody?...nobody? oh.

FILE UNDER THE CATEGORY OF "WHY???"

Jessica Simpson and her husband Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees are having their lives recorded for MTV in a new show called Newlyweds. My question is: WHY? Who wants to watch this garbage? Is this a lame attempt to replicate the success of The Osbournes? They're hyping the show up as this: "Among the unscripted moments, Simpson burps and Lachey insists he has to watch a college basketball game." Wow. That truly is the finest of programming. Seriously though. Watching a basketball game? A burp?? Can it get more exciting?? I don't know but I can't wait to find out! I know where my TV will be at 10:30 PM on August 19th! Yesssss! Jessica Simpson rules!!!

THE RULES OF LIFE

Matt's Rule of Life #23: Never make somebody angry because you never know when they might gain superpowers in a freak accident, become an archvillian, and come back for revenge.

A HUT OF JUNK

When I first heard that Pizza Hut was giving out a free DVD with your order I was like, "Score!!!" That is, until I saw the DVDs they were giving out. Honestly, All Dogs Go To Heaven? Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey?? Mr. Mom??? What kind of junk movies are these? They couldn't even give us the first Bill and Ted, they had to give us its mediocre-at-best sequel. And Mr. Mom? That movie came out in 1983! It's not what I call a film classic either. If anybody really wanted to see these movies, they would have seen them already...in the 15-20 years they've been out. These movies make me not want to go to Pizza Hut because I don't even want to lay a hand on Mr. Mom, even if it is free.