BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BOTOX HOLDER

I can't believe I've been writing this blog for as long as I have and I've never commented on the latest rage among the vain: cosmetic surgery. Some people show the slightest sign of age: crow's feet, a wrinkle, and they're off to the cosmetic surgeon. What is the deal with this?? We get old because we're old. No one's meant to be 75 with perfectly smooth, plasticized skin (except Joan Rivers) in this day and age. The search for eternal youth never works. Remember the guy that went searching for the fountain of youth? HE DIDN'T FIND IT. These people just end up becoming addicted to their search for perfection and have so many surgeries that they look disgustingly disgusting. I can point out plastic surgery on a person a mile away. Don't be that guy! (or girl) And Botox? That seemingly "harmless" drug that everybody thinks is a miracle is frockin' botulism toxin! Poison! Criminy, everyone seems to forget that. Botulism KILLS people. Would you want poison injected into you? I don't think anybody knows the long term effects of it and I think that 20 years into the future everybody's face is just going to start melting, with all the plastic...and the poison...laaaaady! Who knows what's going to happen. As a youthful, exuberant, full of life 24 year old, this is how I feel. When I'm an old, decrepit, middle-aged man going through a mid-life crisis, I may feel differently. *sigh* I'd better enjoy my real skin while it lasts before I turn to poison injections and it melts off with everybody else's...

IT WOULD BE COOL...IF IT WAS 20 YEARS AGO!

This morning I was watching Live with Regis and Kelly to catch the Liz Phair performance, and at one point they were hyping up tomorrow's show and mentioned that Howie Mandel would be on. Kelly Ripa practically screams "Howie Mandel!!!!" like a little schoolgirl. Why this was warranted I don't know. If it was 1985, then maybe--just maybe--it could warrant that reaction, but now? In 2003?? He hasn't done anything of import since the Reagan administration! And it's not like he really was "all that" back then either. The most noteworthy thing he does now is be center square on Hollywood Squares. Ooooh! Smell the ratings!

THE UNPASSION

So Mel Gibson has made and will soon be releasing The Passion, a film detailing the last 12 hours of Christ. It's gotten positive reviews from the few lucky people that have seen it. However, there is one big problem with this film. It is filmed in the Aramaic and Latin languages, and Gibson plans on presenting it without subtitles. This confounds me. Yes, I understand the need for authenticity, but I also understand the need for understanding! If you watch it without subtitles, sure you can glean the basics, but it's a chore to watch a film that you can't understand. I did it once with a Hong Kong film. The subtitles dropped off the screen 90% of the time so I had no idea what anybody was saying. And that really destroyed my excitement over an otherwise cool movie. I don't think it's ruining anything by including subtitles because who speaks Aramaic in this day and age??

And second of all, every religious leader is in a furor over this film, seeing as how they fear it will portray their religious group in a bad light. But--nobody has seen the film yet! Only a select few. So all these religious leaders are basing their assumptions on a draft of the script, and an early draft at that. How can one tell what it will look like from a draft page? Answer: Nobody, except Gibson. So I think the film should be released before anyone starts trashing it (critics that trashed Gigli before it was even out, I'm talking to you!). Everybody always gets all stirred up, and then it's over, and everyone moves on to some other controversy that they've stirred up. Give it a rest!

SERV-U-STATS? MORE LIKE CURSE YOU, STATS!

*grumble grumble* The stupid Serv-u-stats is never working! How am I supposed to keep track of how many people are visiting this site? I mean, I'm sure it probably numbers in the ones, but gosh darn it, one day I might have two visitors! I can't please the people with this disadvantage strapped to my back! They'll rue the day they messed with me...oh yes, I shall have my revenge! (Even though I wouldn't even really know how to go about getting revenge on them. Hack into their site? ...er--you never heard that...)