JOHN NORRIS? ...OR JOHN BORE-US?

The MTV Video Awards were on last night. I didn't watch it (except for Madonna and Britney's kiss--yeehaw! *ahem*) but man, does MTV make me sick. They've been hyping up Johnny Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt." Yet a) The video was rarely played on the channel, and b) They've rarely, if ever, paid Cash any heed in the 20 years of the channel. Now they're all like, "The legendary Johnny Cash..." yada yada yada. If it was any other song, they wouldn't have paid any attention to it, but because it was a cover of an established "MTV band" they think it's next to godliness. So this video, which was heavily favored after all the hype won one award. Best Video? Nope. Best Male Artist? Negatory. Best Cinematography. That's it. But why oh why didn't it win the Viewer's Choice award? Oh, that's right, they hardly played it! Did anybody see this thing via the TV? Few. The Best Video was for Missy Elliott's "Work It", a song that loyal Inconsequential Insanities readers know that I DESPISE, and the video is just people dancing around with Missy in a red track suit with mis-matched pink hat. Whoop-dee-do. So original. *sarcasm* I wouldn't know if Johnny's video is good or not, because I haven't seen it! So anyway, what I'm trying to say is MTV is DUMB. Hey John Norris, if it was 15 years ago, you might be a little cooler. Oh wait--John Norris was never cool. And now he's uncool and old. A lethal combination. So that's what this giant rant boils down to--John Norris is uncool. Learn from that boys and girls.

IT'S LIKE APPLES AND CARROTS!

So Kellogg's has been hyping up a change in their Apple Jacks cereal for awhile. Finally the surprise has been revealed! In addition to the regular apple-flavored Os there have been added...blue carrots. Yes, you heard me right, blue carrots. Blue carrots?! What in the heck? To an apple-themed cereal, they decide to add carrots? I guess they taste the same as the Os, but it's the principle of it all! When one thinks of apples, do they next think of carrots? They could have picked oranges, or bananas, or even lemons, but no, they picked...carrots. Well, golly, I'm sure that'll help sell 10 or so more extra boxes of Apple Jacks per month! Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

GENIUS DEPRAVATION

Well, Microsoft has screwed me yet again. I was writing a blog post yesterday, and when I pressed Undo, it undo-ed my entire document! You might say, "But Matt, why didn't you press Redo?" Alas, would that I could, but I was using Wordpad, and that program doesn't have that feature!!! Why?? Why??? That burns me up. Sure, it's a simple program, but they couldn't throw in an Undo for the Undo? The worst part is, I now can't remember what I was going to write, thereby depriving you, the reader, of a little piece of genius. Or complete crap. I can't remember which. *grumble grumble*

A CAN O' CORN

It really irks me when I watch a post-sports show or read news stories about the previous night's games. This is because every player and every manager and anybody else involved with the game always say the same things. If they lost they'll say "We just couldn't swing the bats today" or "We just couldn't put the ball in the endzone." If they won, it'll be "He gave me a tough pitch, but I just managed to get ahold of it" or "They gave it their all, but we had a strong second-half offense that put us ahead." You get what I'm saying. It's the same thing in every sport, they tell everybody what they already know. Yes, you didn't score because you didn't hit/run/shoot well. No duh. You won because you managed to put more points on the board than the other team. You played better. WE KNOW. At every press conference, it's the same old thing. Yada yada yada. Frickin' diplomacy.

While I'm on the sports theme, I just want to say that LeBron James getting a $90 million deal from Coca-Cola is DUMB. And this is on top of deals with Nike and Upper Deck. The guy's a senior in high school, and then he'll be playing in the NBA--but he hasn't even played one game in the NBA and he's already getting endorsements?? It doesn't make any sense!!! Who wants to buy this guy's gear when he's unproven talent who may, in fact, end up SUCKING???

I hate when basketball players skip college and hop right to the NBA. They could have it all in college, preferential treatment, groupies, etc. but no, they bypass that for millions of dollars. I can see why they would (C.R.E.A.M.), but they need college to hone skills that will prepare them for the professional level. And, this just makes college basketball weaker, because all the potential stars that could enter that level, don't. And, the NBA is weaker too, because the young bucks emphasize flash over fundamentals. A stop should be put to this!! David Stern, are you reading this??

*You know, all this griping, and I don't even watch basketball. The above reasoning being partly why.*

In other sports themed griping, Pete Sampras will be retiring. The sad part is, he's only 32. What is it like to be playing a sport where you're washed up at 30? If you're 16 or over in tennis, you're already going downhill. I'm not saying that they should play until they're old and decrepit and aren't good anymore, but man, I'm nigh 7 years till 32, will I be washed up when I hit that age? Oh, I forgot, I was washed up when I hit 22, so forget that last part.

And if anyone cares, it also bothers me that the Tigers are bad. A storied franchise gone to ruins. It boils down to simple mathematics. The big market teams get the big money and thusly can buy the big players. The small teams can't compete, thereby making for weaker baseball. Seems to me that every team should be on equal footing, shouldn't they? Dumb Yankees. More like Stankees. I hate them. Go Marlins! Go Expos! Go Royals! Go Cubs! I root for them all to do well (not better than the Red Sox, but you know, good enough to make a good showing).

aaaaand...SCENE.