H2

How did Matty celebrate this Halloween eve? By having a Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale and plugging in my Jack o' Lantern. Yes, that's right, I said plugging in my Jack o' Lantern. I know, I know, you don't have to tell me--I am sooooo classy.

GROCERY STORE FOIBLES

Whenever I go into a grocery store, the grocery store clerk snicker at me. They whisper and laugh at me behind my back. Why? It's because I might as well have the word SUCKER stamped on my forehead. I have a tendency to do two things: 1) buy stuff on sale, and 2) buy stuff I don't need or even like, but looks cool.

Example #1: The other day I went to the grocery store and needed to buy some bread. I like the a heavy kind of bread, preferably something like Italian, or Jackson Peasant (yeah, I'm classy). So I saw this good bread, but it was $2.49 so I said, "Outrageous!" and passed it up. Then I looked at some $1.99 bread. Still too expensive, thinks I. Then my eye was caught by the $1.49 bread. But I finally settled on some $1.29 Italian bread...until I turned the corner and saw the 99 cent bread. Freihofer's split-top white bread. So yeah, I bought that. Which was fine until I opened it up and made a sandwich and discovered it was perhaps the wimpiest bread I've ever had. So dang soft! *grumble grumble* So do you see what being suckered in by the sales does to you? It never pays to be a cheapskate! (pun intended)

Example #2: If I see something new and cool I immediately want it, even if I won't like it. I saw this new-fangled pomegranate juice packaged pretty hip-like called Pom. It's in a glass bottle and looked pretty cool, so I picked it up. I then thought, "Wait a tic, I don't even like pomegranates! What am I doing?" Crisis was fortunately averted on that one when I came to my senses and put it back. I do have some food shopping resistance! Yay! (until next time...)

As a super extra added bonus, I won $18 on a scratch ticket today! Score!!!

SCARY HOW BAD IT WAS

I just got back from watching Scary Movie 3. The part that most stuck with me was when they had a huge group cameo of hardcore gangsta rappers, including Master P, Method Man, Redman, the RZA, and Macy Gray. What the--? Who the--? Macy Gray?? Macy Gray??? How the heck did she get in there? She's neither hardcore, nor gangster, nor rapper. She sticks out like a sore thumb! And looks even dumber with a gun in her hand. She sings about love and peace and all that nice stuff, but yet here she is making a violent cameo! Dumb dumb dumb.

And here's a word of warning: Don't go see this movie, even if you liked the first two. It's bad. No, not quite feardotcom.com bad. Not guilty pleasure bad either, just plain bad. I don't mean to ruin it for you, I'm just trying to save my kind readers a few bucks and spare them from the same fate that befell me.

BIRTHDAY INSANITY

Fine cuisine.
Chocolate cake.
Raspberry martinis.
Awkward naked moments.

All part of turning 25 my friends. Yup, I'm the Quarter Century Kid. Old age, I have become thee. *sigh*

SONGS OF THE DAY

Isn't it funny when you hear a song you haven't listened to in upwards of 10 years, and you can still sing along perfectly with the lyrics?

Example: I heard "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam today on the radio and still remember every word. And I haven't even actively listened to that song since, oh, 1992, when their album Ten first came out and I got burnt out on that song's endless radio airplay.

Sadder still is that I remember all the words to "Ice Ice Baby" by the great Vanilla Ice. Yeah, that's right, I am sooooo cool...

On a secondary note, know what other song I heard today? "Cat's in the Cradle." But not the Harry Chapin version, oh no, the Ugly Kid Joe version. And somebody actually requested it! Remember Ugly Kid Joe? And their one song besides that one? "And I...hate everything about you!" That song was popular for, oh, I'd say...hmmm...A DAY. Totally lame.

QUESTION AND ANSWER TIME!

Astute reader Erin asks a question about being married in Wal-Mart:

"Are there shoppers there at the same time? Or do they close down WalMart for the wedding?"

That is an excellent question, and one I am happy to say I know the answer to, since a couple was married in the Wal-Mart in the next town over to me (cause my town was too small to have a Wal-Mart *sniffle* But I digress.). And while I did not attend, or should I say, "shop," I read about it in the newspaper the next day. And yes, there are shoppers in the store at the same time, and yes, many of them actually watched the nuptials! Don't have any friends? Family despises you? No problem! Just have your wedding in Wal-Mart and you have an instant family! Hundreds of people you don't even know can watch your wedding too! Wal-Mart would never close for that, because that would cost them thousands of dollars, and we all know that it's all about the Benjamins when it comes to corporate retail. Puff Daddy and Sam Walton, like brothers I tell ya.

Thanks for the question! I hope this is a satisfactory answer. Until next time...

ALL WINNERS HERE STEP FORWARD...NOT SO FAST MR. STEINBRENNER!

I'm not exactly sure what's better, so help me out: Winning a million dollars? Or seeing the Yankees exposed as

BIG FAT LOSERS!!!

Mwahahahahahahaha!!! It just goes to show you that you can spend millions upon millions more than the other guys, and still LOSE! Bwahahahahahaha!!!