MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY

While discussing Enrique Iglesias' mole (that he's finally hacked off! About freakin' time!) with my compatriots last night, I was reminded of something I had been meaning to post but kept forgetting. The thing is, if you have a brown spot on your cheek or chin, it's a "mole," but if that is the same exact brown spot that is instead above the lip of a pretty girl, it's considered a "beauty mark"! What's up with that? Just the simple placement on one's face makes all the difference. And it's all due to the standards of our society.

Who I really feel bad for are the people that have a mole by their nose or below their lip. Oh! So close to beauty! Yet so far away. (That was a joke. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder boys and girls, remember that.)

THE THANKSGIVING BLUES

Happy Day After Thanksgiving!

(This is kind of what I was going to post yesterday, but thought I'd save my griping for after the day of thanks.)

Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday, I love it. But you know what bothers me about it? That people really don't pay much attention to it. Not you and me of course, but the retail stores. They just kind of gloss over it. I went to a grocery store two whole weeks ago, and while the Christmas display was front and center, I didn't even see any Thanksgiving stuff! But I didn't really see any Thanksgiving stuff a month ago either. And the department stores all start Christmas as quickly as they can, so they can sell all their Christmas paraphenelia and get a jump on the shopping season. Thanksgiving always gets the shaft I guess because there are no religious connotations attached to it, and it doesn't have any songs, so it's harder to get into . (And in retail speak that means: "We can't sell as much for Thanksgiving") Poor Thanksgiving... It's like seeing your old friend get beat up, and you really wanna help, but how? Those bullies are big! Yup, exactly like that.

GIVING THANKS

Time for the 2nd Annual Inconsequential Insanities "Things I'm Thankful For"...

I'm thankful for...

...grocery store gift cards, pumpkin cheesecake, Beanie Baby turkeys named "Gobbles," baseball players named Jimmy Gobble, that evil robots haven't taken over the earth yet, gas masks, my pimp ride, my Manda, my 99 cent Atlantic City t-shirt, that movies only cost $8 now instead of $9, John Stamos 10-10-987 commercials *plug plug*, the three people that read this blog on a semi-regular basis, turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce, and my family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

NICKNAME FUN III, or
DRIVING THIS SUBJECT INTO THE GROUND

I was thinking (since I sometimes do) that sometimes a person's regular names can be made fun of in an annoying way. For instance, my last name is MacDonald, and since I became of school-going age, smart aleck kids would make fun of my name. I heard "Old MacDonald had a farm!" or "Hey MacDonald! Can I get a Big Mac?" Hahahahaha...ha...ha...ha... Yeah, it was wicked funny. After the millionth time it's just like, "Wow! You are sooooo original and creative! Have a candy reward for your ingenuity!" Yes, I know what you're saying, "But Matt! How could creative genius like that ever get old??" Answer: It never does. Everyone who has ever called me that should be writing jokes for Jay Leno. And I mean that. *snicker*

*sniffle* Kids can be so cruel...

WHAT'S ALARMING IS ITS CRAPPINESS

I got me one a them alarm clocks that can wake you up with nature sounds. I was like, "Neat!" since I've always wanted one of those. It has brook, ocean, forest, and wind sounds. So I tried each sound on four consecutive days. This is my story of the alarm...the M! True Hollywood Story...

Day 1: The brook. This babbling brook was nice--except some wise guy decided to add the sound of birds chirping to the brook. One might think this wouldn't be that bad. But these birds were not pleasant sounding. Their repetitive patter sounded like machine gun fire, which is not a nice sound to wake up to, you can take my word for it.

Day 2: The forest. Much like the brook, the sounds of the forest included birds, in addition to other animals. I don't know about you, but if I want to wake up to animals, I can listen to the seagulls outside my window! *grumble*

Day 3: The wind. The wind sounded like someone had turned my radio to a radio station, but the station wasn't coming in very well. Or, like I had awakend to a nuclear apocalypse and all radio transmission had gone out. Bad, yet again.

Day 4: The ocean. With the ocean, I imagined that I had awoken in a beautiful seaside resort. This was by far the best of the four, very nice--although a little too nice, since its pleasant tones caused me to doze for another 20 minutes! Gee! It's what I've always wanted! An alarm clock that keeps you sleeping--wow! It's a clock from the land of misfit toys!

Hmmm...machine gun, wild animals, nuclear holocaust, and sleep-inducing sea... *sigh* This clock turned out not to be all I cracked it up to be...