CHRISTMAS SONGS
This being the season, I'd like to write my Top 10 Christmas songs (in some semblance of an order):
10) "Christmas in Hollis" Run DMC. (This song reminds me of when I was a little boy growing up in Hollis, Queens where mom was cookin' up chicken and collard greens.)
9) "Last Christmas" Wham! (The only good thing Wham! ever gave us. And no, I'm not leaving out "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.")
8) "Happy Holidays" Andy Williams. (Yeah, I like him. And so does my grandmother. You gotta problem with that?!)
7) "Holly Jolly Christmas" Burl Ives. (Burl Ives is DA MAN.)
6) "The First Noel" Nat King Cole. (The man's voice is so smooth it should be locked up in Fort Knox with the rest of the gold.)
5) "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" Jackson Five. (Remember when Michael Jackson was just a cute kid? Neither do I. But here's the proof.)
4) "Santa's Beard" The Beach Boys (Okay, not the popular Beach Boys Christmas pick I know, but I'm going with it cause I'm a rebel. Uh huh.)
3) "So This Is Christmas" John Lennon. (Lennon lives! He liiiiives!)
2) "Blue Christmas" Elvis Presley. (Elvis lives! He liiiiiives!)
1) "Little Drummer Boy" David Bowie and Bing Crosby. (The BEST Christmas song there is. 'Nuff said.)
*Honorable Mentions*
"Wonderful Christmas Time" Paul McCartney and Wings
"Snoopy's Christmas" The Royal Guardsmen
"Carol of the Bells" TransSiberian Orchestra
"It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas" Johnny Mathis
"Little Saint Nick" The Beach Boys
"Christmas Don't Be Late" Alvin and the Chipmunks
...and countless others
A MOMENT LIKE THIS
SONG OF THE MOMENT: Michael Buble, "Spider-Man Theme"
DVD OF THE MOMENT: The Ben Stiller Show
CANDY OF THE MOMENT: Grapefruit Mentos
IRRITATING GUEST STAR OF THE MOMENT: Bobcat Goldthwait
FREAKY HAIRSTYLE OF THE MOMENT: Celine Dion
KNICK-KNACK OF THE MOMENT: Santa Claus bobblehead
JACKASS EXTRAORDINARE OF THE MOMENT: Ashton Kutcher
COOLEST HOLIDAY VILLIAN OF THE MOMENT: Professor Hinkle from Frosty the Snowman
EVERYBODY NOSE IT
I smell like pool. This is odd because I haven't been in a pool.
POOR LITTLE RICH GIRLS
You know, I do feel kinda bad for Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. No, not because they're callous, empty, shallow souls, but because they went from high society to the lowest of the low society in their new show The Simple Life. In it, they live on a farm in a small town, and work menial (as far as they're concerned) jobs. I feel a little bad because although I'm very far from high society, there's no way in heck I'd want to pluck chickens and stick my hand in a cow's rectum either!
...okay, so I don't feel that bad, but I do have some sympathy. A teeny, tiny, microscopic bit of sympathy.
Wait--what am I thinking?? That one ounce of sympathy I had just vanished when I realized that they chose to this show! They're the only ones to blame for subjecting themselves to that! I renounce my sympathy!
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What about the other Hilton sister, do you think she feels left out? ...nah. She's probably too busy partying and being a Hilton.
MORE AWKWARD PRODUCT HAWKING
In the most disturbing product endorsement since Kobe Bryant and Nutella, Bow Wow (formerly known as Lil Bow Wow) is in a commercial for Campbell's soup. And in what is surely one of the most disturbing images in recent memory, he plays one on one baskeball with Gordon Elliot and they sit down and eat some soup.
I don't get it. Is this a ploy by Campbell's to rope in the 14 year old, awkward phase, teenage boy who look up to Bow Wow demographic?
And couldn't he find a more suitable sponsor? Campbell's soup and rap ain't be mixin'. I don't think 50 Cent is out there thuggin' in his bulletproof vest with some Campbell's Soup At Hand.
Bow Wow must get laughed out of the joint when the subject of endorsements comes up amongst his fellow rappers.
Rapper 1: "Yo dawg, what kind of dollaz you be makin'?"
Rapper 2: "I gots a deal wit' Fubu dat pulls in da cash G."
Rapper 1: "Word? Yo, I be pimpin' in Sean John. Yo Bow, what kinda deals you be havin'?"
Bow Wow: [mumbling] "Yeah, I'm in a Campbell's soup commercial..."
Rapper 2: "Wut?"
Bow Wow: "Campbell's soup...I play baskeball with Gordon Elliot..."
Rapper 1 & 2: "Bwahahahahahahaha!"
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That begs the question: What are the rules of having "Lil" attached to your name? He used to be Lil Bow Wow, but since he got older, he dropped the "Lil" part. So I'd say that when you age you can get rid of the "Lil" moniker, but then there's Lil Kim, who still goes with that name even though she's all growed up. So I guess perhaps there's no hard and fast rule.
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Another awfully uncomfortable urban product mix is in the new AOL commercials, where Snoop Dogg makes an appearance when Jerry Stiller brings up his name. First off, Jerry Stiller mentioning Snoop Dogg? Liiiiiittle uncomfortable. And then Snoop Dogg barging in at random to promote a product that considers itself family friendly? More awkwardness.
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Aaaaaaand, one more thing I was reminded of by Erin (read her site Tangential Thoughts, it's keen!): Why does everybody pronounce 50 Cent's name not as "FIF-ty Cent," but as "FITTY Cent"? I don't know about you, but when a middle aged white guy like Jay Leno starts calling him "Fitty Cent," liiiiiiittle uncomfortable.
Ignore this...Ignore me doing this...
