SOLO ARROGANCE

I'm not exactly sure why Dave Matthews now has to release a solo album. He's already in a band that bears his name. He's already arrogant enough to name his band after himself, now he's cutting them out?? Cold man, very cold. Now what are the other guys in Dave Matthews Band going to do without him? It's not like they can go play for someone else.

DMB: "Yeah, hi, we're here to audition to be John Mayer's band."
Auditioner: "Alright, what's your band's name?"
DMB: "We're the Dave Matthews Band."
Auditioner: "Wow! The Dave Matthews Band! Where's Dave?"
DMB: "Ummm...he's not here...he's making a solo album..."
Auditioner: "I'm not sure I understand...The Dave Matthews Band with no Dave Matthews?"
DMB: "No! We're not Dave Matthews' band, we're The Dave Matthews Band. That's what Dave named us! We want to back up Mr. Mayer. Get it?"
Auditioner: "Errr--no. I can't sell The Dave Matthews band if Dave Matthews isn't in the band! Get it? Next!"
DMB (leaving): "Awww man! John Mayer and Dave Matthews Band would've been a HOT name too..."

See what you've done now David Matthews??

MORE LIKE CELEBRITY MOLE ON THE BUTT OF SOCIETY

Yay. Celebrity Mole is on again. Yay. I'm so excited. Yay. It may very well be the best show ever. Yay.

But seriously, look at these jobbers! Stephen Baldwin, Corbin Bernsen, Keisha Knight-Pulliam, Tracey Gold, Mark Curry, Dennis Rodman...it reads like a list of D-List stars in need of jobs! Oh wait, I'm sorry--that's exactly what it is. None of them have been famous since the 1980s. Okay, I'll give Rodman and Baldwin as far as 1995, but that's as far as I'm going. And it's not like Baldwin was ever really "famous" anyway. Posse? Bio-Dome?? The Flintstone in Viva Rock Vegas??? Please. And Dennis Rodman is more infamous than actually famous. Even when he played basketball he could--uhhh...errr...rebound. And that's it. More people recognize him for his bad boy exploits than for his basketball career. *cough* Jobbers! *ahem*
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Whenever I speak of Stephen Baldwin, I have to say only his last name, and in a scoffing manner to boot. He's just so much of a loser that it just comes out that way.

Heck, even Daniel Baldwin scoffs at Stephen.

*scoff* Baldwin...

RANDOM GUNKTITUDE

*cough cough* Green apple martinis... *cough*

Can somebody tell me why The Ben Stiller Show was cancelled? Anybody? Anybody?

Ron Perlman--what is up with him?

So ends the gunk.

DJ JAZZY JILTED

You know, I really feel bad for DJ Jazzy Jeff. He shared the top billing with Will Smith (The Fresh Prince) in a mid-80s/early 90s rap group, and then Will Smith became a TV star, a movie star, and solo rap artist and Jazzy Jeff was never heard from again. Vanished. Vaporized. Sure, Will Smith had all the charisma, and Jeff had none, but how do you broach the subject of leaving your longtime partner?

Jeff: "Yo Will, what's our next record gonna be?"
Will: "Jeff, I got something to tell you..."
Jeff: "Yes, my brother/collaborater/partner-in-crime?"
Will: "This is hard to say, but...I'm gonna become a huge TV and movie star and solo rap artist. I'm going to have to leave you."
Jeff: "But--but--" *sniffle*
Will: "Knew you'd understand man, peace!" (leaves)
Jeff: *sob* "Since my will to live is now gone, I'm going to grow a beard and hole up in a cabin in the woods and live out my remaining years away from the prying eyes of society..."

I won't forget you Jeff! I promise!