PRE-LIFE SCHOOL

I don't get "pre-school." There's school, and then there's "pre-school." So now you actually go to school before you go to school. Don't kids go through enough school already? You might spend your entire life going to school! Pre-school, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, post-graduate work...it never ends! Soon parents will want to get their child an early education start and there will be "pre-pre-schools." I mean, parents already talk, read, and play music for their kid while the child is still in the womb! Criminy, when will it all stop!!!

JESUS, CHECK. JUDAS, CHECK. WHO'S NEXT?

Gee, it's really firing up now. CBS is going to re-run their TV movie Jesus later this month. As I predicted, we're going to see a slew of projects trying to capture the tremendous audience that has gone to see Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. *cough* cashing in *cough* Everybody wants to hop on the religious bandwagon now! Who's got the rights to Job?? Anybody?

WILLIAM HUNG WANNA-BE

Thiz pust iz too show dat i em juzt az baed et suthin az william hung end so i shud gat sum sert uf deel jest lyk im. rnt i duzurvin uf it?>

CRIME DOES PAY

There's gotta be some sort of lesson in William Hung, American Idol reject, getting a record deal, but I don't see it. The only thing I can see is that it actually does pay to be horribly bad at something. Why oh why am I cursed with such mid-range abilities??

TWO SIDES TO EVERY HEEL

I feel really bad for the heel of the bread. It gets no respect at all. A lot of people simply don't use it and throw it in the trash right off the bat. But why? You've got options. If you don't want to make a sandwich out of it, make some toast. Make some croutons. Toss it out to the birds, but for cryin' out loud, don't waste it!

But every loaf has got to have two heels, it's the law of physics. Sure, the heel is different than the inside bread, we can all plainly see that. It's got one whole side made of crust, but is that any reason to not like it? This is pure and simple BREADISM. Discriminating against bread that's different. Haven't we been taught that doing things like this are wrong? For shame people...for shame.